Quotes and Jokes

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
“No,” he says. “The seat is empty.”
“This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?”
The first man says, ‘Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven’t been to together since we got married .”
“Oh … I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else, like a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?”
The man shakes his head. “No. They’re all at the funeral.”

Our heads are round so that thoughts can change direction.

— Francis Picabia, painter and poet (1879-1953)

Only the madman is absolutely sure.

— Robert Anton Wilson, novelist (1932-2007)

A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to get a better idea about her hearing loss. Here’s what you do,’ said the doctor, ‘stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response. That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens. “Then in a normal tone he asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”No response. So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Again he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey,what’s for dinner?” Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. “Honey, what’s for dinner?” “Ralph , for the FIFTH bloody time, CHICKEN!!!”

I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

A husband and wife came for counseling after 30 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 30 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?” The husband thought for a moment and replied,.. “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.”

Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

After putting her grandchildren to bed for a sleepover, a grandmother washed off her makeup, changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and began to color her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say in a trembling voice, “Who was THAT?”

The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

You are what you are because of what goes into your mind.

— Zig Ziglar

Like cars in amusement parks, our direction is often determined through collisions.

— Yahia Lababidi, author (b. 1973)

Arthur is 90 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. ‘That’s it’, he tells his wife. I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad…once I’ve hit the ball, I can’t see where it went.’ His wife sympathizes. As they sit down she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you, and give it one more try?” “That’s no good”, sighs Arthur. “Your brother is a hundred and three. He can’t help”. “He may be a hundred and three”, says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect”‘. So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law. “Did you see the ball?” “Of course I did!”, says the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight”. “Where did it go?”, asks Arthur. “I can’t remember”.

Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”

Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed that’s all who ever have.

— Margaret Mead

My wife asked, “Watcha doing today?” and I responded, “Nothing”. Then she said, “You did that yesterday.” So I said “I wasn’t finished.”

Once upon a time a man whose ax was missing suspected his neighbor’s son. The boy walked like a thief, looked like a thief, and spoke like a thief. But the man found his ax while digging in the valley, and the next time he saw his neighbor’s son, the boy walked, looked and spoke like any other child.

— Lao-tzu, philosopher (6th century BCE)

Experience makes us see an enormous difference between piety and goodness.

— Blaise Pascal, philosopher and mathematician (1623-1662)

They are happy men whose natures sort with their vocations.

— Francis Bacon, essayist, philosopher, and statesman (1561-1626)

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worthwhile.

— Herm Albright, writer

If you prepare for the future, you won’t have to worry about it.

— Author Unknown

Three friends suddenly die and meet up at the Pearly Gates, where they get to talking about what they would like to hear people say about them at their wake. The first man says, ” I hope people will say that I was a wonderful doctor annd a good family man.” The second man says, ” I would like to hear people say that as a school teacher I made a big difference in the lives of kids.” The third man says, “I like to hear someone say, ‘Look, he’s moving!’.”

An unhurried sense of time is in itself a form of wealth.

— Bonnie Friedman, author (b. 1958)

I get up every morning determined to both change the world and to have one hell of a good time. Sometimes, this makes planning the day difficult.

— E.B. White

I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can’t see from the center.

— Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., writer

65 year-old George went to the doctor for an exam. The doctor was taking a history and asked, “What did your father die of?” “Who said he died? He’s 93 and still going strong,”  George responded. “That’s great! Well how’d his father die?” inquired the doctor. “Who said he died? He’s 113 and actually is getting married next week.” said George. “WOW! That’s fantastic, but why would a 113 year-old want to get married?” asked the doctor. “Who said he wanted to get married?”

Never confuse motion with action.

— Benjamin Franklin

Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other’s health one asked how the other’s husband was doing.  “Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!” “Oh dear! I’m very sorry.” replied her friend “What did you do?” “Opened a can of peas instead.”

In this world it is not what we take up, but what we give up, that makes us rich.

— Henry Ward Beecher

The best way to predict the future is to create it.

— Peter Drucker

Cremation?…Think outside the box.

Not in his goals but in his transitions man is great.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

The irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was. “Ma’am,” said the employee, “Today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until Sunday.” There was quite a pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition.   “I guess that also explains why there was no one in church this morning.”

Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive, it isn’t.

— Richard Bach, writer

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me – I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.” For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”

All people who live, die. But, not all people who die have lived.

— Author Unknown

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican fishing village. A tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked how long it took him to catch them. “Not very long.” they answered in unison. “Why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families. “But what do you do with the rest of your time?” “We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take siestas with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. We have a full life.” The tourist interrupted, “I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.” “And after that?” “With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise.” “How long would that take?” “Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years.” replied the tourist. “And after that?” “Afterwards? Well my friend, that’s when it gets really interesting,” answered the tourist, laughing. “When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!” “Millions? Really? And after that?” asked the fishermen. “After that you’ll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends.” “With all due respect sir, but that’s exactly what we are doing now. So what’s the point wasting twenty-five years?” asked the Mexicans. (And the moral of this story is:   Know where you’re going in life….you may already be there:-)

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a ‘mail order’ bride. Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true. Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be. Tom proudly said, “She’ll be twenty-one in November.” Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man. Wanting his old friend’s remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course. Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon. About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again. “How’s the new wife?” asked the banker. Tom proudly said, “Good – she’s pregnant.” The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, “And how’s the hired hand?” Without hesitating, Tom said, “She’s pregnant too.”         (Don’t ever underestimate old guys.)

Being over the hill is better than being under it.

Life is too important to be taken seriously…Lighten up!

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing it is not fish they are after.

— Henry David Thoreau

To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.

— Henri Bergson, French Philosopher

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

— George Bernard Shaw

Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it! Boldness has genius and power and magic in it.

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The way to get good ideas is to get lots of ideas and throw the bad ones away.

— Linus Pauling, American chemist

He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms. -“Honey,”  “My Love,”  “Darling,” “Sweetheart,”  “Pumpkin,” etc.       The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.     While his wife was in the kitchen the man leaned over and said to his host,  “I think it’s wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names.”   The old man turned to him and whispered,  “To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago.”

    George was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, “Pick me up.” He looked around an could not see anyone.  He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice again, “Pick me up.”      He looked in the water and there floating on the top was frog.  George said, “Are you talking to me?”   The frog said, “Yes, I’m talking to you.  Pick me up and kiss me, and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen and will give you the most wonderful pleasues that you have ever dreamed of.”    George looked at the frog for a short time and then reached over and picked it up carefully, placing it in his pocket.     The frog shouted, “Are you nuts?  Didn’t you hear what I said?  I said, ‘Kiss me and I will give you pleasures like you have never had!'”      George opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, “Yes, I heard you, but at my age, I’d rather have a talking frog.”

I’m not afraid to die.  I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

— Woody Allen

The richer your friends, the more they will cost you.

— Elisabeth Marbury

Life begins when a person first realizes how soon it ends.

— Mardelene Cox

Over the hill? What hill? I don’t remember any hill.

— seen on a T-shirt

Birthdays are good for you.  The more you have, the longer you live.

      “I’m so worried,” the elderly heart patient said as the nurse plumped up his pillows.  “Last week, I read about a man who was in the hospital because of heart trouble, and he died of malaria.”   “Relax.” the nurse said smiling.  “This is a first rate hospital.  When we treat someone for heart trouble, he dies of heart trouble.”

What we think, or what we know, or what we believe, is in the end, of little consequence. The only thing of consequence is what we do.

— John Ruskin, author, art critic, and social reformer (1819-1900)

Enjoy life.  There are no re-runs.

— Shirl Lowery

The face you have up to age thirty-five is the one you are born with; after thirty-five it’s the one you have made.

— attributed to Abraham Lincoln

Elders are the diamonds of mankind.  It takes a lot of time and pressure to become what they are.

What lies before us and what lies behind us is nothing compared to what lies within us.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Age has more to do with state of mind than years.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

— Will Rogers

Time plays no favorites and will pass whether you act or not.

— Unknown (in an accounting newsletter)

I plan on living forever. ..So far so good.

— Unknown

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I’m going to miss mine by just a few days.

— Garrison Keillor

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

— Lily Tomlin

Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. When I was 65 I still had pimples.

— George Burns

Always go to other people’s funerals.  Otherwise, they won’t come to yours.

— Yogi Berra

If I ‘d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.

— Eubie Blake

He who laughs, lasts.

— Wilfred A. Peterson

You can get old pretty young if you don’t take care of yourself.

— Yogi Berra

The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all of your money

— Anonymous

Cleverness is not wisdom.

— Euripides (seen on a sign in a dental school)

Some, for the sake of making a living, forget to live.

— Margaret Fuller

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

— Woody Allen

Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it allows you to be miserable in some nice places.

— Unknown

What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.

— Sidonie-Gabrielle Collette, 1873-1954

Be happy.  It is one way of being wise.

— Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette 1873-1954

Look for happiness under your own roof.

— in a fortune cookie found by author, Gretchen Rubin

What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.

— Gretchen Rubin

There are times in the lives of most of us when we would have given all the world to be as we were but yesterday, though that yesterday had passed over us unappreciated and unenjoyed.

— William Edward Hartpole Lecky 1838-1903

What we do for ourselves dies with us.  What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.

— Albert Pine

I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn’t learn something from him.

— Galileo Galilei, physicist and astronomer (1564-1642)

You have to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather is.

— Abe Lincoln

Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think. 

— Jean de la Bruyere, essayist and moralist (1645-1696)

Visionaries are limited by their visions.

— Malcolm Gladwell, author

Transport of the mails, transport of the human voice, transport of flickering pictures — in this century, as in others, our highest accomplishments still have the single aim of bringing men together.

— Antoine de Saint-Exupery, author and aviator (1900-1945)

To have joy, one must share it.

— Lord Byron

The great use of life is to spend it on something that will outlast us.

— William James

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happiness belongs to the self-sufficient.

— Aristotle

There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all. 

— Peter Drucker, management consultant, professor, and writer (1909-2005)

You can’t teach an old dogma new tricks.

— unknown

Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials.

— Lin Yutang, writer and translator (1895-1976)

He who has a why can endure any how.

— Friedrich Nietzsche, philosopher (1844-1900)

That action is best which accomplishes the greatest happiness for the greatest numbers.

— Francis Hutcheson, philosopher (1694-1746)

Oh, would that my mind could let fall its dead ideas, as the tree does its withered leaves!

— Andre Gide, author, Nobel laureate (1869-1951)

Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.

— Charlie Chaplin, actor, director, and composer (1889-1977)

Cheerfulness and contentment are great beautifiers and are famous preservers of youthful looks.

— Charles Dickens, novelist (1812-1870)

It is more often from pride than from ignorance that we are so obstinately opposed to current opinions; we find the first places taken, and we do not want to be the last.

— Francois De La Rochefoucauld, moralist (1613-1680)

A sound mind in a sound body, is a short but full description of a happy state in this world.

— John Locke, philosopher (1632-1704)

A man may be very industrious, and yet not spend his time well. There is no more fatal blunderer than he who consumes the greater part of life getting his living.

— Henry David Thoreau, naturalist and author (1817-1862)

Reflect on your present blessings of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes of which all men have some.  

— Charles Dickens

What is life if I am no longer useful to others?

— Johann wolfgang von Goethe

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

— Leonardo da Vinci

In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.

— Albert Schweitzer, philosopher, physician, musician, Nobel laureate (1875-1965)

We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it

— George Bernard Shaw

The foolish and the dead alone never change their opinion.

— Lowell

Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one day with a great teacher.

— Japanese proverb

To remain healthy a man must have some goal, some purpose in life that he can respect and be proud to work for.

— Hans Selye, endocrinologist, 1907-1982

There is nothing wrong with retirement as long as one doesn’t allow it to interfere with one’s work.

— Ben Franklin

True success and true happiness not only go together but each other enhances the other.

— Maxwell Maltz, M.D., 1899-1975, author, Psychocybernetics

The greatest obstacle to discovering the shape of the earth, the continents, and the oceans was not ignorance but the illusion of knowledge.

— Daniel J. Boorstin, historian, professor, attorney, and writer (1914-2004)

Seek not to follow in the footsteps of men of old; seek what they sought.

— Matsuo Basho, poet (1644-1694)

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

— Steven Wright

I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.

— Albert Schweitzer, philosopher, physician, musician, Nobel laureate (1875-1965)

The words a father speaks to his children in the privacy of the home are not overheard at the time, but, as in whispering galleries, they will be clearly heard at the end and by posterity.

— Jean Paul Richter, writer (1763-1825)

Until you value yourself you will not value your time. Until you value your time you will not do anything with it.

— M. Scott Peck, MD. (1936-2005) The Road Less Traveled

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.

— Ogden Nash, poet, 1902-1971

If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I’d have had them first.

— Lois Wyse, author, 1926-2007

The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.

— Alden Nowian, poet, novelist, and playwright (1933-1953)

Now is the time to create the rest of your life.

— Unknown

Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But since no one was listening, everything must be said again.

— Andre Gide

Seen in a cartoon:  The wife says to her husband sitting in a chair and reading a newspaper, “I’m over-sharing because you are under-listening.

Chance favors the prepared mind.

— Louis Pasteur

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

— Susan Ertz, author  (1894-1985)

I wish I could have known earlier that you have all the time you’ll need right up to the day you die.

— William Wiley, artist (b. 1937)

The years teach much which the days never knew.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

— Unknown

Often failure is not acceptable. It is essential.

— Unknown

Now is the time to create the rest of your life.

— Unknown

Procrastination is attitude’s natural assassin.  There’s nothing so fatiguing as an uncompleted task.

— William James

Find what makes your heart sing and create your own music.

— M. Anderson

When it comes to life, the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.

— G.K. Chesterton

When we have done our best, we can await the results in peace.

— John Lubbock.

The key to success in life is using the good thoughts of wise people.

— Unknown

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible.

— George Burns

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal is another matter.

— Winston Churchill

Wisdom begins at the end.

— Daniel Webster

Our lives teach us who we are.

— Salman Rushdie

All that we are is the result fo what we have thought.  What we think we become.

— Buddha

When you are through changing, you are through.

— Unknown

Older minds are like horses; you must exercise them if you wish to keep them in working order.

— John Q. Adams

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile. 

— Albert Einstein

What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful.

— The Dalai Lama

It is choice, not chance, that determines your destiny.

— Jean Nidetch

Sharing what you have is more important than what you have.

— Albert Wells

A useless life is an early death.

— Goethe

Never cut what you can untie.

— Joseph Joubert, essayist (1754-1824)

No wise person ever wanted to be younger.

— Native American aphorism

It is impossible to live pleasurably without living prudently, honorably, and justly; or to live prudently, honorably, and justly, without living pleasurably.

— Epicurus, philosopher ( c.341-270 BCE)

A sound mind in a sound body is a short but full description of a happy state in this world.

— John Locke, philosopher (1632-1704)

There is a foolish corner in the brain of the wisest man.

— Aristotle
 

Without elders a society perishes socially and spiritually.

— Richard Rohr

Wisdom happily lives with mystery, doubt, and “unkowing”, and in such living, ironically resolves that very mystery to some degree.

— Richard Rohr

It takes a lot of learning to finally “learn ignorance.”

— Richard Rohr

No problem can be solved by the same consciousness that caused it in the first place.

— Albert Einstein

We don’t live in a world of reality.  We live in a world of perceptions.

— Gerald Simmons

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

— George Bernard Shaw

You must have been warned agains letting the golden hours slip by.  Yes, but some of them are golden only because we let them slip by.

— James M. Barrie, novelist and playwright (1860-1937)

Seek not to follow in the footsteps of men of old; seek what they sought.

— Matsuo Basho, poet (1644-1694)

I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve. 

— Albert Schweitzer, philosopher,physician, musician, Nobel laureate (1875-1965

The words a father speaks to his children in the privacy of the home are not overheard at the time, but, as in whispering galleries, they will be clearly heard at the end and by posterity.

— Jean Paul Richter, writer (1763-1825)

In youth we feel richer for every new illusion; in maturer years, for every one we lose.

— Madame Anne Sophie Swetchine, mystic (1782-1857)

Every increased possession loads us with new weariness.

— John Ruskin, author, art critic, and social reformer (1819-1900)

The fingers of your thoughts are molding your face ceaselessly.

— Charles Reznikoff, poet (1894-1976)

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation.  As you get older it will avoid you.

— Winston Churchill

If it feels like work it is not really your purpose.

— Jim Donovan, author

It is better to have no sight than it is to have no vision.

— Helen Keller

Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don’t want.

— Unknown

Success demands singleness of purpose.

— Vince Lombardi

Take care of your thoguhts when you are alone.  Take care of your words when you are with people.

— unknown

I don’t have time to worry about who doesn’t llike me.  I’m too busy loving the people who love me.

— unknown

Don’t regreat getting older.  It is a privilege denied to many.

— unknown

Education is not the learning of facts, but the training of the mind to think. 

— Albert Einstein

Spending time with children is more important than spending money on children. 

— Anthony Douglas

I’ve seen better days, but I’ve also seen worse.  I don’t have all that I want, but I have all that I need.  I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. My life may not be perfect, but I am blessed.

— Lessons Learned in Life

Live your life and forget your age.

— What makes My Heart Sing

The last of human freedoms; to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.

— Viktor Franl

Just because I’m 77 doesn’t mean I don’t have a dream.

— John Glenn just prior to his 1998 retorn to space.

The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.

— Madeleine L’Engle, writer (1918-2007)

In the end it is OK.  If it is not OK it is not the end.

— Unknown

The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions.

— Oliver Wendell Holmes

Everybody needs his memories. They keep the wolf of insignificance from the door.

— Saul Bellow, writer, Nobel laureate (1915-2005)

You know you’re an adult when you’re asleep, but other’s worry you’re dead.

— Robert Corallino

You know you’re an adult when you’ve owned clothes so long they have come back into style.

— Robert Corallino

The Senility Prayer
Lord grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be a very silent place if no birds sang except the best.

— Henry van Dyke, poet (1852-1933)

Bob, a 70-year-old, well-to-do widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?’ Bob replies, ‘Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’ They are knocked over, but continue to ask. ‘So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?’ ‘I lied about my age’, Bob replies. ‘What, did you tell her you were only 50?’ “No. I told her I was 90”, said Bob.

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
‘And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?’ the reporter asked.
She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’

When you’re 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you; when you’re 40, you don’t give a darn what anybody thinks of you; when you’re 60, you realize nobody’s been thinking about you at all.

— Dr. Daniel Amen

You need two things to be ready for retirement, enough money and your health. If you don’t have both, you’re not ready.

If you wait until retirement to start living, you’ve waited too long.

— Fall Newsletter 2016, Robert Corallino, CPA, PC

Life’s precious moments have value only if they are shared.

— Fall Newsletter 2016, Robert Corallino, CPA, PC

You need two things to be ready for retirement, enough money and your health. If you don’t have both, you’re not ready.

— Fall Newsletter 2016, Robert Corallino, CPA, PC

One doesn’t retire to be happy. One retires for the freedom it brings.

You might be a hick if you floss your teeth with fishing line. You might be a REAL hick if you use anchor line.

To have a chance, you need to take a chance.

— Fall Newsletter 2016, Robert Corallino, CPA, PC

“The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion.” Paulo Coelho

— Paulo Coelho

“To learn and not to do is really not to learn. To know and not to do is really not to know.”- Steven Covey

— Steven Covey

“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.”

— Albert Einstein

 

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